Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The Idiot

THE IDIOT - Written by Carroll Bryant 

I don't understand it
One moment I am consumed by the fire of the Netherworld
The next, I am consumed by you
The angel of salvation

I can't sleep tonight
I can't get you off my mind
Even placing the shirt you left behind on my pillow
Does no good
It only makes me want you here more

I should have just driven to you last night
Like you did for me the night before
Why am I such an idiot?
Why do I always have to play it so God damn cool?
When the truth is, I want to unleash everyone of
These feelings onto you in one big wave

Then I think about what I put you through
I wonder how I made it through when in fact
I wonder how you made it too

My torment was of my own doing
Yours was at the expense of mine
Why am I such an idiot?

You waited
You waited for me and you waited
Then you waited some more
How did you know I belonged to you?
How did you see it when I couldn’t see two inches in front of me?
How does a woman do that? See the future so well?
How did you know?

I am the one with visions
You must be the one with insight
You must just be the one
You are the one
I see that now
I know that now

Still, your scent on your shirt spins my heart into a frenzy
A longing
A need that only your presence can satisfy
How did this happen?
Why am I not scared?
I used to be, but no more
Not with you
I know you now more than I ever thought I could
Or would
Or wanted to

If it’s this bad now then how is it I am going to be able to wait for a whole year?
Or even until September, when we’re to move in together?
Maybe I can’t wait that long
Maybe I don’t want to wait that long

Damn it!
Why didn’t I drive to you last night?
Why am I such an idiot?

I can’t stop thinking about you
Better yet, I don’t want to stop thinking about you
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I can’t stop

I know you’re going to read this soon
I know you’re going to ask me why I can’t just say these things to you
Out loud
My only answer is … I don’t know
I’m an idiot?

The past few weeks leading up to last Saturday have been surreal
When we finally succumbed to our longing
The explosion inside of me killed them all
Killed everyone of those bad memories
Those horrible creatures that lurked inside my broken heart
That they themselves created
And laughed at

It was you who put the pieces back together
It was you who found a way to make me work again
To make me a human being again
To make me functional once more

Where did you get the strength?
How did you do it?
How did you know?
How is it that it took me so long to realize?

I know, I know … I am an idiot

Damn it!
I should have just driven to you last night

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